Page 15

I boot up my computer at 8:20 and printed the page of text to pencil.

Pencil layout and characters: 25 min.
Inking pencil drawings with pen: 30 min.
Scan and touch up lines digitally: 65 min.
Inking, shading, applying gradients digitally: 75 min.

Grand total: 3.25 hours.

This statistic is troubling on several counts.

1. My facility with digital software can be improved only minimally. I've now got the basics down and have reached my speed limit.
2. Any increase in speed will surely result in decrease in quality. Note the white ear on guy with white beard in panel four. To correct that would've been too time consuming so I left it. Somehow, once I apply gradients I can't go back and touch up things. The picture gets locked. I haven't the energy to research how to correct it.
3. At the rate of three hours per page I'm looking (at least) at 750 hours ahead of me. Daunting? Yes. Can I sustain enthusiasm, energy, and focus for that many hours? Seems nigh impossible today (I'm fighting a headache and cold).

Furthermore, Dr. Q appears twice in every page (jabbering the text of Ecclesiastes). This means I'll be drawing him 500 times. Waves of self doubt wash over me at this point. I'm a big fan of mocking bad movies (MST3K comes to mind). But now I regret ever laughing at substandard movies because 16 months ago I embarked on a journey of creating my own substandard work of art. I can hear the hoard of jeering mockers crashing the gates even now.

Me thinks it's time for a break.

Page 8

Further explanations: I'm trying to depict the growing confusion of the students. Is Dr. Q talking science or metaphysics? Even though these brightly colored cartoons will appeal to middle school kids, the "is" to "ought" debate will register with collegians familiar with ethics. I'm also hoping the student's orientation (Attributes and Ideals) are becoming clearer. It's hard to tell at this early stage. Maybe there are too many characters too fast. By the way, I've included subtleties for my own enjoyment--a nod to Vonnegut and ice-nine, Attributes and Ideals (a nod to AI as opposed to Biographical Sketches, BS), and others. I'm at the point now where I hope clean lines, hand gestures, bright colors, uniform word balloons, and distinct philosophical orientations will merge into a coherent whole thus distracting readers from the amateurish dialog. I've never written fiction before so what I lack in talent I make up for in volume. My aim is to eventually speed up to 3 pages a day. That's insane but I'm in a hurry. I did page 9 in one day. 

First Half Page "Flat" Color

First attempt at full color (half) page. (I plan on combining half pages so the book is taller than it is wide).  The number of decisions required to produce this page was enormous. Trial and error, scouring manuals and chat rooms, watching Youtube videos, and more trial and error and here's what we get.

I've abandoned shading for the time being. Adjusting pixels, brush width, scanning resolutions, gradient fills, remembering colors so skin and clothes don't waver, and a zillion other tasks were technical  challenge enough. Once I'm relatively facile with drawing with a stylus, managing files, and so forth, and then I might return to Art School 101 and study shading, light, highlights, reflected shadows, again. However, I'm not going to live forever and this project already is ten months in the making. Even doing flat colors is arduous and time consuming. I estimate about 450 half pages are to be drawn, scanned, colored, and posted. It just doesn't seem right to me that, should this take ten years, a seventy year old man is still drawing comic books.

Reflections on Coloring

When my efforts yield less than ideal results (as my wonky skills as a colorist attest) I rationalize as follows.

This amateurish coloring job would surely get me fired in any Third World graphic novel mill. But maybe I'd escape the pink slip because I can do character design (albeit also abysmally amateurish). But my character design skills (especially at rotating heads) are weak, weak, weak and surely any animation studio would give me the boot.

"But wait!" I plead with the unhappy boss in my head. "I can also string nouns and verbs together and write sentences." The HR boss wavers momentarily and says, "You're no Jack Kennedy. Get out."

In an act of desperation I quickly add, "You're right, I can't speechify like JFK but I have another trick up my sleeve, I can tell jokes."

"Try me," he says.

"Um, one of the characters represents aggression and domination and I describe him as a veteran of wars in the Gulf, Afghanistan, and Cost Co parking lot."

He stares at me blankly and says, "What's a Cost Co?"

"It's a perennially crowded big box store in our town about which everyone complains."

"Dumb. Get out."

"Wait! I know I can't color, design, write, or tell jokes like the pros but I can add value to your comic factory because I can do story boarding. I can pencil out the settings, props, costume, facial expressions, staging, and camera angles in sequential art."

"I've seen your work. Too many talking heads. Beat it!"

"Please sir, I know I'm new at this but I'm begging for another chance. I can bring a philosophical and theological savvy to your project. I grapple with life's injustice and the problem of evil often and I believe grasp of Qohelet's angst better than most."

I see him waver momentarily. "Can you type?"

"Like a pro, sir."

"Okay, get back to work. And when the studio department heads complain about your shoddy work tell 'em you're here to make coffee."

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Get off the floor and quit kissing my feet. I've got work to do."

The boss leaves and with spirits high I shout Sally Field's Academy Award speech to him, "You like me, you really like me!"

Three Characters in Color

Qohelet wrote, "What is crooked cannot be made straight." I believe it. 

Vicki and I once read and applied assiduously the principles of de-clutter king, Don Aslett. In his humorous and helpful book CLUTTER's LAST STAND he wrote something to the effect, "Writers are notorious for saving their rough drafts as if they'd someday need proof that they actually wrote their book." Sadly, I'm crooked that way and despite Aslett's best efforts, I still save my rough drafts. He couldn't straighten me out.  

Take these for example. They're the halting, amateurish, scribblings of a novice colorist and do not deserve to be saved much less posted for the world to see. And yet, in this memoir blog of the evolution of my first graphic novel I feel compelled to document every stage in the process. Forgive me, Don. (This female pose is a swipe from Tom Richmond).

Progress Report & Update

Six character model sheets to go, then I buy a Bamboo Wacom Tablet with which to color the scanned drawings.

When writing dialog it was easy to post my musings on this blog. Now that I'm drawing I find (oddly) that writing about drawing doesn't come effortlessly. I really am living in a new part of my brain.

Drawing a profile is easy. Drawing a front view is easy. Learning how to rotate them while keeping the likeness requires much concentrated visual thought. When looking at a profile it's easy to see how long/short the nose is. When looking at a frontal it's impossible to see how long/short the nose is. I once read that old time animators built clay 3-D models to turn 360 degrees. This can be done (so I've been told) with pixels and good animation software (which I don't have).

Which raises this question: is this work of a thousand actions a book of prose or a collection of drawings? Since there isn't a lot of action I gotta say it's a book of prose. So why all this effort with model sheets and a soon to be purchased software coloring tablet? I have faith that the symbiotic relation of word balloons and talking heads will create something bigger than the sum of its parts. If I fail, I fail. A year + wasted.

But once the finished pages are unleashed on an unsuspecting public my hope and dream is that I will have created a bona fide graphic novel of philosophical import.

In perusing the shelves of graphic novels at Barnes and Noble yesterday I was astounded at the quality of the illustrations and pictures. That wasn't enough to draw me into reading the stories, however.

What will draw readers into Ecclesiastes University? They must possess five preconditions: an interest in philosophy, humor, existentialism, depression/angst, and Hebrew wisdom literature. Without these I suspect my work will languish.

On a Personal Note

It was one year ago today that we moved my wife out of our house and into a nursing facility. In an uncharacteristic moment of lucidity she begged me today to let her come home. It was agony for me. I then visited our new and first grandchild who is 18 days old. It was ecstasy for me. Our 20 year old son moved out a month ago and after 35 years of constant laughter, noise, pet/home school mayhem of raising five kids I find myself home alone in the deafening silence. My hope is that this comic treatment of Ecclesiastes will help me (and others?) give shape to the existential quandary of life in an often precarious and sometimes profoundly meaningful universe.

Story Boarding

Here are the first 16 pages. I'm inserting new pages of alien dialog into the previously posted 35 pages. It breaks up the talking head monotony only a wee bit.

I've tried a dozen different ways to break out of talking head format and failed. My creation is a wordy philosophical rumination and wordiness comes with the territory. Giving visual cues to who is ruminating requires me to draw heads. Many of them.

So, I'm back to my original ambition: draw those talking heads with pizzazz and verve. As I've edited the pages pictured above they've become rather sketchy and unsuitable for re-posting "as is" on the other blog for First Readers.

This creates another puzzle. When I introduce the alien narrators I'm afraid they'll be viewed as unwelcome kitsch unless I present the pages in full color and with full character development (model sheets). I'm constantly challenged to prevent the rough draft drawings detracting from story development.

If I buy the software and tablet for digital rendering now that'll require weeks if not months of learning new techie stuff which will distract from my current task: posting the rough draft for First Reader evaluation.

This poses a ton of new problems. 

How polished do I make the rough draft for public evaluation?
How long will it take to polish the first 35 pages?
Do I keep my original plan and print the Publisher pages of word balloons on card stock for pencil/ink line drawings to then be digitally colored?
Or do I try to learn how to draw them digitally?
If digitally, will the new software allow me to import 250 pages of Publisher?
If not, must I print and re-scan each page?
Once polished will First Readers subconsciously expect the remaining 200 pages of rough draft to look as polished?

One definition of creativity: throw yourself into a quagmire of complexity and then try to fight your way out.

Status Update

Thirty-five pages of rough draft number five have been posted on the other site for first readers to scan and comment upon. The feedback has been so helpful I've hit the pause button to rethink the whole premise of this graphic novel. 2000+ talking heads are just too boring. So what are my options?

Make the claim that the boredom is an intentional literary device to further illustrate the message of vanity, absurdity, and pointlessness. This is a bit disingenuous, like the guy who shoots his bow wildly and then draws targets around randomly shot arrows.

Scrap the whole thing and write a stage play or screen play. No more graphic novel? Ouch.

Scrap Ecclesiastes and go mow my lawn. And give up philosophical ruminations? Double ouch.

Reformat the whole thing:

• give students only 2 panels (delete the second row of 1-3 boxes) to riff on Dr. Q. This would essentially cut the book--and boredom--in half. Less is more, but that much less?
• enlarge the size of my printed hard copy thus giving me a larger drawing space in which to draw settings, props, action, etc. This would essentially render my existing 428 pages null and void...after all that work!
• put new words into Dr. Q's mouth; fictionalize him. This would make the finished product "based upon the book of Ecclesiastes" rather than "taking every word of the ancient text as is and seeing it crash against modern thinking."
• keep the format but reduce the number of characters. Theoretically I could cut the number of students in half, combining various traits into one. This would cut down the confusion of who's who but increase confusion about student motives. Currently each student represents one philosophical/emotional point of view. Blending them would make each character complex and self contradictory. Plus, I might get bored with the few students that remain. I like the variety of a huge cast of characters.
• press on hoping readers will eventually identify with the individual characters. This is risky because there is no glue currently keeping readers engaged. Even with spiffed up drawings I suspect the insipid dialog will be lethal. Death by word balloon.
• increase the wit and wisdom of student comments. When I read a really good book I hang on every word, dreading the end. I want it to keep on going. Here's where fantasy crashes against reality. I just don't have the synaptic chops to charm audiences like Steve Martin, Woody Allen, David Sedaris, Dave Barry, Mark Twain, Tina Fey, Robert Benchley, S J Pereleman, Bill Bryson, Daniel Gilbert, Soren Kierkegaard (he knocked 'em dead in Denmark), or (insert name here). 
• press on and hope to find readers with low expectations. Surely in a planet of 7 billion somebody, somewhere likes bad puns, angst overkill, and talking heads.
• abandon audience approval entirely and write the book I wish I had in college. In a later post I'll reproduce some cartoons I drew while at UW '79-'81.
• gamble my reputation on good drawings justifying boring text. This is a huge gamble and I'm notorious for losing gambles. Want proof? My closets are full of manuscripts, wheels, drawings and self published books that failed to garner audience interest. I killed a small forest trying to get traction as a purveyor of peace making comics, sapiential psychology, and mixed metaphors. 
• change my audience. Instead of modern college students perhaps I should aim to connect with fundamentalists. Ecclesiastes is in their book and my graphic novel would call attention to and validate its message. This, however, may prove the hardest sell of all because fundamentalists are disinclined to grapple with randomness, failed theodicies, and the puncturing of tidy systematic theology. Nobody likes to be told the king has no clothes or that Pollyanna providence is a myth. 

I have to leave for work soon so must end this problem solving musing. My inner optimist believes that there is an answer to this somewhere, I just haven't found it yet. I'll mull over these options and see which sticks. 

Saturday Night Ennui

It's Saturday night, 6:00 PM. I'm pulled in over a dozen different directions, and none. It's too early for bed...so here are my options.

1. Wash dinner dishes. My menu items tonight all started with C: corn, chicken, cookies, beer.

2. Weed the front yard. Dandelions are poking through the beauty bark.

3. Mow the back yard. I've let the back half go native; it's now out of control.

4. Weed whack everywhere.

5. Read more of The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. Great book; could be relevant to my graphic novel.

6.  Watch the Olympics. I turned it on briefly and watched 4 man volley ball for 2 minutes. That'll hold me 4 years.

7. Work on Ecclesiastes University script, day 8. The dialog is not only not funny, it's worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp Prismacolor pencil. That book is my priority but the creative juices aren't flowing. I just can't muster the enthusiasm to create more insipid prose. (Although the new character I introduce in that chapter has an Italian accent that I think I nailed!)

8. Work on a billable project that's due Wed. It'll be a disaster if I don't get that project finished. But I just can't muster the oomph. Maybe tomorrow.


9.  Go somewhere? I spent two hours with Vicki this afternoon and she spent the remainder of the afternoon at a baby shower for our daughter who is expecting. I spent last night at a philosophical discussion group. I had about 20 client hours this past week. I'm not isolated or starved for people. But I am antsy sitting here battling decision over-load and motivation under-load.


10. De-clutter our house. There are rooms and closets and boxes and sheds to empty out. That project would be a gift to my kids. Yet I need my kids to coach me on what to save and what to junk. 


11. Chase flies with my new electric fly swatter. My inner Hindu shudders every time I fry a fly; my inner No Fly Zone rejoices at the snap and sparks. I am conflicted. 


12. Catch up on news re. Colorado massacre in a movie theater. I could hold back my tears and gag reflex re. the insanity; but the ads depicting cuddling couples puts me in an even fouler mood. 


13.  I'm tired of Facebook, Youtube videos of wicked guitar players, and the herky-jerky stream of Netflix. Even if the pictures/words weren't maddeningly out of sync, I'm too antsy to sit still for 90 mindless minutes.


14. Practice silence and serenity. Renounce productivity. Be, not do. Yeah, like that's going to happen. 


One of my purposes of this blog is to document my maddening predilection to boredom and waning interest. It's a personal trait I very much dislike; I'd be very happy if I could discover the magic pill, silver bullet, energy booster for endless creativity and steady productivity. 


Of all of the options above I think item #2 would give me a needed change and provide the satisfaction of a weed free front yard. I'm off to get a pitchfork and attack those weeds. 

Ten Observations about Creativity and Distraction

Before launching a new blog where I'm posting the first rough draft to go public I wondered how that new endeavor might affect my creativity. Here's what I've learned.

1.  A significant portion of my brain is now hooked on feedback. Rather than blissfully creating with nary a care, I spend a considerable amount of time hoping for, anticipating, and wishing for feedback.

2.  Once I get that welcome feedback I then spend considerable time answering. Both wishing for and responding to feedback takes away from drawing.

3.  I also spend time integrating that feedback into the pages I've completed. That is, I'm now editing those first pages incorporating the great suggestions First Readers have offered. This too takes away time from penciling, inking, and posting that public rough draft.

4.  While I miss time away from drawing I must admit my ADD prone brain doesn't mind juggling all these disparate tasks. Part of the message of Ecclesiastes is that variety is the spice of life and engaging with the public over these doodles certainly adds variety.

5.  Knowing that I've now got followers on that other blog (I think about 10 of the 30 I invited) I feel additional motivation to keep on top of my self imposed posting schedule. I'm aiming for two posts per week. I'd like to do more but turning my latest rough draft into a printable rough draft is still agonizingly slow. I'm just trying to cram too much data (pencil layouts, character development, more tweaking of the dialog, inking, coloring) through too small a pipe (my brain).

6.  Posting this very rough draft feeds my sub personalities which are already prone to shame, embarrassment, and discouragement. The work in progress is a fool's errand. Each of the ingredients (humor, layout, facial expressions, section divisions, dialog, etc) are sub par and painful to read. Thus, a considerable amount of psychic time is spent fighting those self critical parts and pushing through the wall of resistance to accomplish the task at hand--illustrate the whole book of Ecclesiastes.

7.  I'm "forced" to continually dangle in front of my imagination the Platonic arch-type of a polished, finished, and honed final product. In my mind it "works." It's witty. It's unique. It's helpful. It's drawn to perfection. Readers get it. Theologians, philosophers, and depressed existentialists welcome it. This fantasy is shamed by reality--what I've posted so far falls way short of this ideal. It looks to me garish, confusing, halting, insipid, and the work of a deranged mind. Oh well. There is a perfect graphic novel based on Ecclesiastes in essence somewhere in the universe and my efforts will bring it into existence.

8.  I frame this psychic battle in positive terms. Moderating the internal debate builds character, strengthens synapses, and to be frank, is fun. Like the gambler whose dopamine neurotransmitters flow like Niagara when tossing dice, anticipating the finished product keeps my brain chemicals in a nearly constant state of mental bliss.

9.  Posting the rough draft reveals many new problems to be solved. How do I conquer the tedium of boring talking heads? How do I help readers distinguish one character from another? How do I color the thing so it looks pleasing and not so childish? How do I elevate the humor? Will the overall effect of student reactions bring clarity to readers' minds about matters of faith, existentialism, and suffering? When do I invite more First Readers? Should I invite more First Readers? These challenges distract me from the drawing task at hand but they are a pleasant distraction.

10.  Inviting a tiny slice of the public to evaluate these pages forces me to define success. If writing like Tina Fey is my goal, I've failed. If drawing like Herge is my goal, I've failed. If musing like Kierkegaard, Pascal, Dostoevsky is my goal, I've failed. If creating a work that goes viral is my goal, I've failed. If creating scenes, settings, and camera angles like Steven Spielberg is my goal, I've failed. If winning a Pulitzer like Art Spiegelman is my goal, I've failed. But if marshaling and merging dozens of tasks from my fevered brain to create a hefty existential comic book and having fun while doing so is my goal, I'm king of the hill, a gold medal winner, I get the yellow jersey, Heisman trophy, and lifetime membership in the hall of fame.

Draft Five, pages 1-5

With great joy I introduce for the very first time pages 1-5 of Draft Five of Ecclesiastes University.

There are many changes begging to be made...not only in the heads (too big) but also in the scanning (too dark), pagination (too small), color (absent in background; once added the word balloons will pop out in stark contrast), word balloon tails (for all my weeks of tweaking I still must re-position the little gap where I'll attach the tail--dread!), camera angle (too many close ups; I want students walking around at some point), character design (these drawings are the first of hundreds and I suspect we'll sharpen, simplify, and hone their features as we go), setting (no walls, desks, or props), and more. 

I visualize what the final art will be and a part of me wishes I could show readers the finished product. But I dare not invest that much time on a final draft which no one but me has seen. I don't trust myself; I need others' input before putting the finishing touches on Draft Six.

Putting this together was bliss...yet I feel a twinge of anxiety about sending this to my first readers. Why? Their mission will be to evaluate the script; I fear their eye gate will take precedence over their text editing lobes. I suspect these drawings will solicit a dozen comments for improvement but it's the words I want them to evaluate. 

This is the first day (Eccl. 1:1-8a). In the next thought unit the characters will have different clothing, seating arrangement, and background color. 

Of the nine characters I've introduced in this first installment, two will drop out and of those that remain all will be influenced (for good and ill) by Dr. Q's lectures. 

Graphic Novels and the Ecclesiastes' World View

If one ever had second thoughts about investing six to twelve (or more) months of their life creating a graphic novel based on Ecclesiastes one could turn to the Hebrew scripture itself and with a little ingenuity construct an apologetic for such a task.

"Everything is meaningless." This being the case one might as well create a graphic novel as cure disease or mow lawns.

"The eye never has enough of seeing." This being the case one might as well make pictures to satiate ocular cravings.

"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired." This being the case one might as well indulge their dream of creating a Tin Tin like novel.

"[Heirs] will control all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill."  This being the case one might as well leave heirs a graphic novel. What would they do with Microsoft stock, anyway?

"There is a time to laugh." This being the case one would rather leave heirs something comic rather than tragic.

"All achievement spring from a man's envy." This being the case one might as well try to create a second graphic novel to win a Pulitzer Prize. Why should Art Spiegelman (MAUS) have all the fun?

"As goods increase...what benefit are they to the owner except to feast his eyes on them." This being the case what's wrong with one doing their best to create objets d'art?

"The end of a matter is better than the beginning." This being the case one might as well finish what he started.

"There is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him." This being the case one might as well assuage grief with creativity.

"I commend the enjoyment of life." This being the case one might as well find joy in questioning sages from ancient history who asked questions.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." This being the case one might as well spend hour after hour with a mouse clicking, dragging, clicking, dragging, clicking, dragging.....

"You do not know what will succeed." This being the case one might as well invest months and months creating art in a genre that has traditionally been ignored by mainstream literary critics due to the perception that these works are primarily entertainment, intended for children or adolescents, with little or no lasting literary merit.

"Of the making of books there is no end." This being the case one might as well add one more paper product to the Library of Congress.

But if one never has second thoughts about investing 1/60th of their life making a big comic book the above is moot. 

Adjusted Time Line

Just finished editing page 201 (Draft Four of EU13).

Heavy black line indicates linked panels.

Connecting word balloons, blocking panels, and making seating arrangements is more time consuming than originally planned.

How I place students on the stage affects the positions of word balloons.

I wonder what makes one so optimistic (unrealistic, grandiose) prior to a project? The notion of biting off more than one can chew is so common it's got it's own metaphor. Poor planning? Unthinking?

Here's what I think is a more realistic time line. But don't bet on it. I've been wrong this whole process.

July 15. Finish Draft Four editing and printing hard copy (ready for pencil sketches).
August 31: Finish 20 character designs complete with names, clothing, ages, gender, hair, etc.
September 1: Begin pencil sketches. Upon completion of each section (52 of them) send digital copies to selected readers.
December 31: Finish sending all 52 sections and incorporating suggestions from readers.
January 1, 2013: Begin final ink drawing (print on card stock, pencil lightly, black ink line drawing, erase pencil lines, color with pencils OR water color).
December 31, 2013. Whole book finished. Digital copies on line.
January 1, 2014. Look for publisher.


Someone once said we over estimate what we can get done in a day and under estimate what we can get done in a year. I am so bad at estimating I focus more on the immediate tasks at hand than making hard and fast predictions. This time line is a psychological ploy to keep me motivated. By extending the dead lines I feel less pressure. By missing deadlines I drive myself crazy.

Back row, L-R: Draft One, Draft Two (waiting to be visually checked), Draft Three (waiting to be visually checked).
Front Row, L-R: Draft Three (checked), Draft Four (finished, waiting for pencil sketches), Draft Two (checked).

What They (whoever they are) Don't Tell You about Creativity

Creativity isn't all bolts of insight. There are hours of tedium. I've spent the weekend changing fonts and font sizes. There has been lots of mouse clicking.

Once the font is correct I rearrange the text boxes in each panel. I'm finicky that the boxes be uniform, aligned 3/16s of an inch from the top of the panel, and centered.  There has been lots of mouse rolling around.

Between hours of tedium I tried in vain (apropos of Ecclesiastes) trying to download audio books from the library and then from iTunes. I also spent three hours trying to figure out if Publisher allows me to link text boxes and change them all at once. I'm actually pretty sure it can be done but I failed to crack the code. It has to do with Font Schemes and Style and Formatting. Failing these techy tasks I return to the tedium of tweaking thousands of boxes. I'm up to page 168 (there are 428 pages).

I want to maximize the drawing space in each panel so this means shrinking the text boxes as much as possible. I thus edit like crazy. One line is best, two better, three = max. Text boxes with four or more lines are the exception. 

Consumers of this project will never know (unless they read this blog) what goes on behind the scenes. I'm making mental notes for where breaks occur, what the panel arrangements will be, and what the characters look like. Because character coherence isn't on the top of my to do list at present I store that (and 100 other) tasks in my brain along with other random questions:

1. Will readers think the author (me) was angry? I don't feel angry.
2. Is this graphic novel a subconscious reaction to living alone? I don't feel lonely.
3. Is it true when Ecclesiastes says envy motivates all toil? I don't feel envious. 
4. Are students' reactions to Dr. Q legitimately funny or just snarky on my part? I don't feel snarky. 
5. After editing a joke five times it loses it's edge. I imagine future readers laughing. But I don't feel funny. 
6. Where can I put this quote, "Ecclesiastes University sardonically skewers the Dostoevskian sense of despair and anxiety that faith in a scientific world creates."

Stalled on Eccl. 8:10-17

Chapter 7 and the first half of chapter 8 finished with a flourish. But these final 8 verses (EU19) are a killer.

¹⁰ Then too, I saw the wicked buried —those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise^[a] in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless. ¹¹ When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, the hearts of the people are filled with schemes to do wrong. ¹² Although a wicked man commits a hundred crimes and still lives a long time, I know that it will go better with God-fearing men,who are reverent before God. ¹³ Yet because the wicked do not fear God, it will not go well with them, and their days will not lengthen like a shadow. ¹⁴ There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. ¹⁵ So I commend the enjoyment of life , because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun. ¹⁶ When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth —his eyes not seeing sleep day or night— ¹⁷ then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.

My mission is to illustrate this passage in a way that helps readers "get" what Dr. Q is saying. The challenge is to fit it into the narrative arc of the novel AND make it funny. I also feel my self imposed deadline approaching so I'm working under pressure. That's just what I don't need. Creative writing is hamstrung when rushed. The beauty of this project has been the luxuriant ease with which I sit silently and, in a semi contemplative state, let ideas emerge. 

This isn't to say the work is easy. I'm juggling 101 things in my head at once and keeping all the loose ends straight is hard work...as is avoiding mixed metaphors. 

My resolve weakens in moments like this. I feel discouraged and dried up. The ideas aren't emerging. The complexity of stringing these random verses together into a plot is maddening. I've got some good ideas but there are gaps. Who is speaking? How many different ways can I have the students riff on "meaningless?" And I'm haunted by the existential angst of, "Does the world need more verbiage about existential angst?" 

On the bright side: I do entertain the fantasy that once this script is finished and have drawn model sheets for the 20 main characters, I'll draw pages with superlative artiness and verve. The odds of this happening are actually quite slim since I'm not that great an artist. But in my imagination I create real arty art. It's funny how I can be enthused, discouraged, grandiose, delusional, and plum out of ideas all at once.

It's 10:25 PM, it's been a long day visiting Vicki, moving furniture for my mother, cleaning the house, and spinning my wheels with this text. Let's hope for a creative breakthrough tomorrow.

"The Story Dictates the Cast," so says...

crime mystery writer, Janet Evanovich.

I agree. I cooked up a story and am creating characters to act in and carry forward that story.

However, in my case, pre-written dialogue dictates the story. I am not starting with a blank page but 400 or so pages each of which begins with another's quote. It's not the easiest way to create a novel, especially when those opening quotes are obtuse, contradictory, and mostly depressing.

What I am adding--humor, cartoons, philosophical and theological reflections--will hopefully make Ecclesiastes accessible to modern readers. I say "accessible," and not "understood." I'm not sure I understand it. I hope to empathize with and validate readers who puzzle over this strange book. Or who puzzle over the meaning of life. Or who are depressed or suffering or experiencing existential angst. I want to give persons of faith permission to raise questions of justice, science, meaning, sin, wisdom, death, suffering, and food.

I'm worried that I'm 100% irrelevant to my intended audience, university students. My dialog is loaded with boomer friendly illustrations so I'll lose 90% of twenty-somethings. Of the 10% that remain, I lose 7% for being too theological and 2% for being too philosophical. Of the remaining 1% .5% don't read, .4% gave up comic books at age 12, and the remaining .1% look like fans at a Bassnectar concert.

Fans of Bassnectar; not one graphic novel in the mix

So why do I keep going? Ecclesiastes U is therapy for sadness. I didn't expect to end up visiting my wife in a nursing home at our young age, struggling to understand her words, or watching the glimmer in her eyes fade away.

In fiction story dictates cast; in real life stories crash upon, squish like a bug, and rattle the cast to their bones. This cast member, anyway. There's high probability that, once finished, this massive project will languish on a digital shelf, a fitting end to illustrating an absurd book inspired by an absurd disease informing an absurd life.

Words, Pictures, Talent, and Creating People

Since beginning this graphic novel last December I continue to puzzle over several questions: am I creating a book with pictures or adding pictures to words? Do I have the time (not to mention talent) to pull this off? How does one create cartoon characters with subtlety, complexity, and depth?

Here are my musings about these questions so far (in order).

Scott McCloud and Wil Eisner have probably described the significance of words influencing drawings, drawings influencing words, and the interplay between them. Rather than read other's opinions on this subject, however, I'm learning by doing. Currently my words are only slightly influenced by my sketchy thumbnails, doodles, and drawings. Someday soon I hope my finished words will be improved as I add pictures.

Jodi Bergsma said in my last post (and I misquote), "I'm too busy writing to read books about writing." If I were 20 I'd make the time. But I'm in a race against the clock and am relying on 60 years of reading and drawing to carry the day. I read recently, "A picture is worth a thousand words, but try saying that in a picture."

In How We Decide author Jonah Leher made an interesting observation. The chess computer that beat Gary Kasporov was a terrible back gammon player, and the computer that beat the world's leading back gammon player would lose at chess. Leher's point? Unlike computers that can do one thing very well, the human brain can do lots and lots of things reasonably well. I take comfort in this. I can't write, cast, act, direct, design, philosophize, do theology or psychology, draw, or tell jokes like pros, but I can do each of those things somewhat. The combination of these tasks is what'll make this graphic novel unique.

Finally, isn't "complex cartoon characters" an oxymoron? As I create the actors in this fictional drama I must choose how many layers of personality to give each one. Currently I've divided the cast into many, many uni-(not di- or tri-) mensional characters. One character loves money, one loves jokes, one loves sex, and one loves Jesus. One loves social justice and one loves scientific materialism. One is a feminist and one is a gun toting vet. One is an aging hippy enthralled with conspiracies and drugs; another is pre-law. On and on the list goes. I'm showing no restraint in creating characters. It's actually quite easy. God used dust, I use ink.

My problem from a literary point of view: how many characters is too many? This is a graphic, not Russian, novel. I want readers to care about a few likable characters rather than feeling overwhelmed by dozens of them. The cast of FRIENDS had six main characters with dozens of secondaries. Can I do the same? As is, I've got hundreds of secondary but no main characters. Combining several disparate traits into one person adds complexity and realism; we've all got sub-personalities. But can those characters come to life with all their multiplicity, layers and conflicting desires in a comic book?

We'll just have to wait and see. The process is sheer bliss.

Creativity and Writer's Block

I've pressed through the wall of impenetrability. Having expunged from my first draft of Ecclesiastes 3 all boomer-isms, I was left with nothing but blank space. My efforts this week have been focused on filling that blank space with images twenty-somethings could relate to. I have no clue if I'm close but I feel good knowing I've come up with new 28 ideas.

Artist Jasper Johns nailed it. This to me is the essence of creativity--editing, rough drafts, mutations, and the elimination of vestigial words/images. Keep adding something often enough and soon you've got something.

Without boring readers by listing all my aborted attempts at gen-y-ifying Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, I can say this:

I've chosen to lighten the mood and not post images of Hiroshima (a time to make war), MLK assassination (a time to kill), hoarding (a time to keep), or wacky faith healers (a time to heal). Even though such images would have proven good fodder for student reactions, those images are heavy handed. Mr. Q is obtuse enough without my all to obvious renderings. I'll let his lectures carry the somber tone; he doesn't need my help.

This decision of course makes hash out of 3:14, "God does all these things so that we may fear him."  Mr. Q's point in this poem about time is, "providence is loaded with example after example of oddments, conundra, and counter examples of eudaemonism." Mr. Q is whining (justifiably) about the problem of evil. My artistic sense tells me to restrain myself, go light, and save my ire at evil until later; we've still got nine more chapters of morbidity to deal with.

In addition, drawing images inspired by 2012 pop culture will unfortunately mean in three years or less my book will fall out of favor. The shelf life of humor is notoriously short, increasingly so in our day of data smog.

Yet, it still feels right to me to lighten the tone in this iconic poem with humorous images that reflect 28 experiences in the life of a university student ("a time to weep" getting a tattoo or piercing, "a time to tear" holes in the knees of one's jeans, "a time to hate" boomers like me asking gen-y folk to fix my computer, and 25 more).

If anyone is keeping track, it took four pages of mind dump to come up with 28 new thumbnail images. The toughest verbs to gen-y-ify were, "a time to plant, heal, tear down, gather stones, and give up searching." At this stage I'm leaving behind this time poem confident I'll get another chance to edit it again after letting these ideas marinate for several months as I work on the rest of the text.

Doing something to something and then doing it again until you've got something unleashes dopamine in the pleasure centers of my brain which is incredibly fun!

Turn, Turn, Turn

I'm having problems with Chapter 3, "A time to be born, a time to die" (and 13 other couplets).  I've been wrestling with this text for three days and am frustrated. No matter which way I plan to illustrate it, it just doesn't feel right.

1.  Does the passage commend determinism ("there is a time determined for every event"), or prudence ("some times are better than others to engage in activities "). Based on 3:11 and 14, I opt for the former. I don't believe in determinism, but I believe that is the point of this long poem.

2.  If Mr. Q is describing an immutable providence behind birth and death and 26 other verbs, do I draw them schmaltzy and cute? Or raw like the rest of the book? Prudence tells me to draw baby bassinets and laughing children and peace signs and fighter jets. But then it won't fit with the tenor of the rest of the book.

3.  But if I draw baby Osama Bin Laden in a bassinet, planting of opium fields, and feeding Christians to the lions, I'm being true to Mr. Q's penchant for obscurity, absurdity, and depression. But then it won't fit with the tenor of pop culture and love of warm fuzzies.

The reason I'm choking is because I'm thinking too hard. Mr. Q's string of mostly benign actions could mean, "Here are some random things over which we have no control," but how do I draw those actions?

I'd love to use this photo as reference for a cartoony version of, "A time to embrace."

And then I'd like draw that nurse slapping the Navy man to illustrate, "A time to refrain from embracing."

But that "joke" is out of sync with the book of Ecclesiastes...as are the following.

"A time to cast away stones."

"A time to gather stones together."

"A time to plant" (which my aging hippy character would love):

"A time to uproot." (my aging hippy character will weep tears of sorrow).

"A time to mourn."

"A time to laugh."

Non of these images work for me. This is such a pivotal passage I gotta draw it right. One false move and I doom my graphic novel to kitsch-ville. If I nail it I could turn those 24 drawings into a poster.

How do I get unstuck? I just don't know.

Statistics

There are 12 chapters, 222 verses and roughly 5261 words in Ecclesiastes. I just completed creating text/dialog for chapter seven, the lengthiest chapter in the book. This means I've grappled with seven chapters, 143 verses, and 4064 words of Ecclesiastes so far. 

I've got five chapters, 79 verses, and 1197 words to go. Seeing progress is encouraging since the going is so slow. 

Chapter seven was the most difficult to transform into a classroom lecture. The content was random, repetitious, inconsistent with other chapters of Ecclesiastes, and very uncomplimentary to women. It provided good fodder for class reactions, but man, was it hard. Good thing I like a challenge.

Five more (shortish) chapters to go and then I get the delicious pleasure of giving the students names and character. (At this point all I have are word balloons with dialog but only rough ideas of who the students are). I'll also do thumb nail sketches, examine the grand arc to the narrative, and make many corrections to the dialog. 

I simply can't wait to see how this thing turns out. In his brilliant book, Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert says we are notorious for imagining futures that are way better than they are likely to be (a mistake Qoholeth was prone to  make). On this side of drawing I imagine a Pulitzer, Reuben, Golden Nosey, Mark Twain Award and even a Nobel or two, one for literature and the other for .... oh, I don't know, it doesn't matter. Let's say economics! Let's add appearances on Colbert and Piers Morgan. Grandiosity fuels my creativity. 

On the other hand, waves of self doubt plague me. I imagine this graphic novel will be a disaster and colossal waste of time. I feel like those singers on American Idol who think they're fabulous but can't carry a tune.

I actually relish this double-mindedness. Grandiosity keeps me energized;  insecurity keeps me real. Such are my creative musings today at the completion of a very difficult chapter. Onward!