Re-engaging, Believe it or Not

My new filing system; two top boxes are EU rough drafts

Since my last post three and half months ago I married off a son, practiced being a new grand father, spent five weeks in a motel with Zelda the cat while repair persons replaced all the floors in our house due to water damage, reignited a speaking career (one gig included creating a 50+ slide Power Point presentation), made daily visits to my beleaguered wife whose health continues to deteriorate, began a massive de-cluttering project in prep for selling our house, transferred all my digital copy (projects, tasks, grist for new books) to Evernote, sent a bulk mailing to 400 former clients giving them a free updated version of a 55 page book, Managing Marital Irritations (get your free copy here), launched a silly website about volvelles (click here if you dare), and discovered Netflix after giving away our TV. (New guilty pleasure: 30 Rock). All this on top of running a one man therapy shop, writing a new book about grief and doubt, frying my synapses reading Kierkegaard, and launching a weekly conflict mediation blog. Click here to take a gander.

Even though I read another book about finishing creative tasks during this hiatus from drawing Ecclesiastes University,  I've been badgered by guilt. I entered my third third (age 60-90) determined to illustrate Ecclesiastes in graphic novel form and have been waylaid by these and a dozen other delicious diversions.

I'm back, planning now to begin drawing this weekend. What has spurred me on (beyond a sense of calling) is the wacky idea of turning Ecclesiastes University into a series of books featuring a host of guest lecturers. I'd love to do to Pascal, Chesterton, Lewis, Kierkegaard, and Camus what I've done to Qoheleth (which would really gum up the works since Ecclesiastes University would include classes NOT based on Ecclesiastes. Sigh....what a mess). But I dare not start anything new until we get Dr. Q finished. I'm looking at 450+ pages of 6 panel drawings each...gulp. Here goes.

Progress Report & Update

Six character model sheets to go, then I buy a Bamboo Wacom Tablet with which to color the scanned drawings.

When writing dialog it was easy to post my musings on this blog. Now that I'm drawing I find (oddly) that writing about drawing doesn't come effortlessly. I really am living in a new part of my brain.

Drawing a profile is easy. Drawing a front view is easy. Learning how to rotate them while keeping the likeness requires much concentrated visual thought. When looking at a profile it's easy to see how long/short the nose is. When looking at a frontal it's impossible to see how long/short the nose is. I once read that old time animators built clay 3-D models to turn 360 degrees. This can be done (so I've been told) with pixels and good animation software (which I don't have).

Which raises this question: is this work of a thousand actions a book of prose or a collection of drawings? Since there isn't a lot of action I gotta say it's a book of prose. So why all this effort with model sheets and a soon to be purchased software coloring tablet? I have faith that the symbiotic relation of word balloons and talking heads will create something bigger than the sum of its parts. If I fail, I fail. A year + wasted.

But once the finished pages are unleashed on an unsuspecting public my hope and dream is that I will have created a bona fide graphic novel of philosophical import.

In perusing the shelves of graphic novels at Barnes and Noble yesterday I was astounded at the quality of the illustrations and pictures. That wasn't enough to draw me into reading the stories, however.

What will draw readers into Ecclesiastes University? They must possess five preconditions: an interest in philosophy, humor, existentialism, depression/angst, and Hebrew wisdom literature. Without these I suspect my work will languish.

On a Personal Note

It was one year ago today that we moved my wife out of our house and into a nursing facility. In an uncharacteristic moment of lucidity she begged me today to let her come home. It was agony for me. I then visited our new and first grandchild who is 18 days old. It was ecstasy for me. Our 20 year old son moved out a month ago and after 35 years of constant laughter, noise, pet/home school mayhem of raising five kids I find myself home alone in the deafening silence. My hope is that this comic treatment of Ecclesiastes will help me (and others?) give shape to the existential quandary of life in an often precarious and sometimes profoundly meaningful universe.

Status Update

Thirty-five pages of rough draft number five have been posted on the other site for first readers to scan and comment upon. The feedback has been so helpful I've hit the pause button to rethink the whole premise of this graphic novel. 2000+ talking heads are just too boring. So what are my options?

Make the claim that the boredom is an intentional literary device to further illustrate the message of vanity, absurdity, and pointlessness. This is a bit disingenuous, like the guy who shoots his bow wildly and then draws targets around randomly shot arrows.

Scrap the whole thing and write a stage play or screen play. No more graphic novel? Ouch.

Scrap Ecclesiastes and go mow my lawn. And give up philosophical ruminations? Double ouch.

Reformat the whole thing:

• give students only 2 panels (delete the second row of 1-3 boxes) to riff on Dr. Q. This would essentially cut the book--and boredom--in half. Less is more, but that much less?
• enlarge the size of my printed hard copy thus giving me a larger drawing space in which to draw settings, props, action, etc. This would essentially render my existing 428 pages null and void...after all that work!
• put new words into Dr. Q's mouth; fictionalize him. This would make the finished product "based upon the book of Ecclesiastes" rather than "taking every word of the ancient text as is and seeing it crash against modern thinking."
• keep the format but reduce the number of characters. Theoretically I could cut the number of students in half, combining various traits into one. This would cut down the confusion of who's who but increase confusion about student motives. Currently each student represents one philosophical/emotional point of view. Blending them would make each character complex and self contradictory. Plus, I might get bored with the few students that remain. I like the variety of a huge cast of characters.
• press on hoping readers will eventually identify with the individual characters. This is risky because there is no glue currently keeping readers engaged. Even with spiffed up drawings I suspect the insipid dialog will be lethal. Death by word balloon.
• increase the wit and wisdom of student comments. When I read a really good book I hang on every word, dreading the end. I want it to keep on going. Here's where fantasy crashes against reality. I just don't have the synaptic chops to charm audiences like Steve Martin, Woody Allen, David Sedaris, Dave Barry, Mark Twain, Tina Fey, Robert Benchley, S J Pereleman, Bill Bryson, Daniel Gilbert, Soren Kierkegaard (he knocked 'em dead in Denmark), or (insert name here). 
• press on and hope to find readers with low expectations. Surely in a planet of 7 billion somebody, somewhere likes bad puns, angst overkill, and talking heads.
• abandon audience approval entirely and write the book I wish I had in college. In a later post I'll reproduce some cartoons I drew while at UW '79-'81.
• gamble my reputation on good drawings justifying boring text. This is a huge gamble and I'm notorious for losing gambles. Want proof? My closets are full of manuscripts, wheels, drawings and self published books that failed to garner audience interest. I killed a small forest trying to get traction as a purveyor of peace making comics, sapiential psychology, and mixed metaphors. 
• change my audience. Instead of modern college students perhaps I should aim to connect with fundamentalists. Ecclesiastes is in their book and my graphic novel would call attention to and validate its message. This, however, may prove the hardest sell of all because fundamentalists are disinclined to grapple with randomness, failed theodicies, and the puncturing of tidy systematic theology. Nobody likes to be told the king has no clothes or that Pollyanna providence is a myth. 

I have to leave for work soon so must end this problem solving musing. My inner optimist believes that there is an answer to this somewhere, I just haven't found it yet. I'll mull over these options and see which sticks. 

Talking Heads....blah, blah, blah

Take a gander at the book so far (in miniature). I am unhappy with what I see. Too many talking heads. All I see are talking heads! Either I'm going to invent a cutting edge, new type of graphic novel--talking heads as metaphor for the meaninglessness of life--or I've got to liven up the set.

I prefer option two, liven up the set. How? Today Bill, a university professor friend of mine, generously gave me a tour of his campus (WWU) and I took photos of the classroom in which the characters above will act out their drama.

Imagine 100 students all looking bored.

The artist contemplating the tedium of talking heads.

I can't wait to fill these chairs with my cast of characters....but for 200 pages? Yikes, I'm toast.

My first thought is, "This is impossible! How will adding inert desks improve the action?!"

Brains are wired to solve problems and I've got a big problem....how do I increase the importance of the graphics in this graphic novel? My, my, my. This is a difficultly of Biblical proportions.

God, Disease, and Glibness

When I was a Calvinist pastor (23 years) I could glibly site all the Bible passages that made God responsible for sickness: Exodus 4:11, Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Deuteronomy 32:39, There is no God besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand. Ecclesiastes 7:14, When times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Not to mention a hundred other proof texts for the sovereignty of God concerning plagues, disease, calamity, destruction, trials, tribulation, and all manner of abysmal conditions.

Now that my wife is terminally ill I'm not so glib. Times are bad. Unlike Job's wife I'm not inclined to curse God and die. Atheism would certainly solve the theodicy problem but theism is in my DNA, not to mention creating a host of new problems (namely, the problem of good, beauty, and meaning). For existential reasons I choose faith despite this apparent reason not to believe.

But neither am I, in true evangelical fashion, able to say with glib confidence that her Alzheimer's is to teach character, bring glory to God, the result of sin, or the consequence of the fall of Adam. I'm a child of Adam and I don't have this disease. There is a category of illness in the Bible called, "sickness unto death" but that still doesn't answer the "Why her?" question. I try not to dwell on this too much; I have trained myself rather to ask the, "What do I do next?" question.

Yet I can't avoid asking the why questions. I'm pounded every day with a clash between a God I want to love/trust and visits to see Vicki. I'm not enamored of the One who put my young wife in a nursing home. (If you want to know what I see there, read Ecclesiastes 12:1-7. Or wait about a year until my illustrated version comes out).

Which brings me to the impetus for spending five months (with more to come) creating a graphic novel based on the book of Ecclesiastes. Qoheleth touches something deep within me. Despite his glowing endorsement as a wise man of God by the editor in chapter 12:9-14, I doubt that his brand of doubt would garner him any ministry positions in a modern evangelical church. Certitude (glibness?) seems to be a litmus test for orthodoxy. Yet here's a Bible writer wracked with anxiety due to the clash between his theology and the evil he saw all around him.

I can understand why Ecclesiastes isn't popular. It's gloomy! And I also see why when Ecclesiastes does get air time Qoheleth's tensions are sanitized by glib dismissal, relegating his words to the trash bin of secular humanism, and thus easily ignored.

But the guy wasn't a secular humanist. He was a sage puzzled by the problem of evil. Ecclesiastes University is my attempt to come to grips with this very personal issue.

Stalled on Eccl. 8:10-17

Chapter 7 and the first half of chapter 8 finished with a flourish. But these final 8 verses (EU19) are a killer.

¹⁰ Then too, I saw the wicked buried —those who used to come and go from the holy place and receive praise^[a] in the city where they did this. This too is meaningless. ¹¹ When the sentence for a crime is not quickly carried out, the hearts of the people are filled with schemes to do wrong. ¹² Although a wicked man commits a hundred crimes and still lives a long time, I know that it will go better with God-fearing men,who are reverent before God. ¹³ Yet because the wicked do not fear God, it will not go well with them, and their days will not lengthen like a shadow. ¹⁴ There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless. ¹⁵ So I commend the enjoyment of life , because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun. ¹⁶ When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth —his eyes not seeing sleep day or night— ¹⁷ then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.

My mission is to illustrate this passage in a way that helps readers "get" what Dr. Q is saying. The challenge is to fit it into the narrative arc of the novel AND make it funny. I also feel my self imposed deadline approaching so I'm working under pressure. That's just what I don't need. Creative writing is hamstrung when rushed. The beauty of this project has been the luxuriant ease with which I sit silently and, in a semi contemplative state, let ideas emerge. 

This isn't to say the work is easy. I'm juggling 101 things in my head at once and keeping all the loose ends straight is hard work...as is avoiding mixed metaphors. 

My resolve weakens in moments like this. I feel discouraged and dried up. The ideas aren't emerging. The complexity of stringing these random verses together into a plot is maddening. I've got some good ideas but there are gaps. Who is speaking? How many different ways can I have the students riff on "meaningless?" And I'm haunted by the existential angst of, "Does the world need more verbiage about existential angst?" 

On the bright side: I do entertain the fantasy that once this script is finished and have drawn model sheets for the 20 main characters, I'll draw pages with superlative artiness and verve. The odds of this happening are actually quite slim since I'm not that great an artist. But in my imagination I create real arty art. It's funny how I can be enthused, discouraged, grandiose, delusional, and plum out of ideas all at once.

It's 10:25 PM, it's been a long day visiting Vicki, moving furniture for my mother, cleaning the house, and spinning my wheels with this text. Let's hope for a creative breakthrough tomorrow.

My Ambition

In December 2011 I got inspired to tackle a long dreamed of project, creating a cartoon graphic novel based on the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. I should have started blogging about it then rather than now, three months into to project, but oh well. I'm gong to use this blog to document my progress for several reasons.

1.  It helps me think clearer.
2.  It keeps me accountable. I'm sadly notorious for starting projects and not finishing them (a violation of the words of Ecclesiastes 7:8, "the end of a mater is better than it's beginning").
3.  Novice cartoonists such as myself may enjoy seeing the creative process at work.

Why a graphic novel on Ecclesiastes?

Ever since discovering Tin Tin in 1981 I've had a desire to create my own graphic novel. Ever since getting a degree in theology in 1985 from Regent College (BC) I've had a desire to understand this puzzling book of Ecclesiastes. And ever since my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's dementia in 2006 I've experienced the existential angst I believe the author of Ecclesiastes experienced. What better way to pull these disparate threads together into one work than to create a graphic novel?