Ten Observations about Creativity and Distraction

Before launching a new blog where I'm posting the first rough draft to go public I wondered how that new endeavor might affect my creativity. Here's what I've learned.

1.  A significant portion of my brain is now hooked on feedback. Rather than blissfully creating with nary a care, I spend a considerable amount of time hoping for, anticipating, and wishing for feedback.

2.  Once I get that welcome feedback I then spend considerable time answering. Both wishing for and responding to feedback takes away from drawing.

3.  I also spend time integrating that feedback into the pages I've completed. That is, I'm now editing those first pages incorporating the great suggestions First Readers have offered. This too takes away time from penciling, inking, and posting that public rough draft.

4.  While I miss time away from drawing I must admit my ADD prone brain doesn't mind juggling all these disparate tasks. Part of the message of Ecclesiastes is that variety is the spice of life and engaging with the public over these doodles certainly adds variety.

5.  Knowing that I've now got followers on that other blog (I think about 10 of the 30 I invited) I feel additional motivation to keep on top of my self imposed posting schedule. I'm aiming for two posts per week. I'd like to do more but turning my latest rough draft into a printable rough draft is still agonizingly slow. I'm just trying to cram too much data (pencil layouts, character development, more tweaking of the dialog, inking, coloring) through too small a pipe (my brain).

6.  Posting this very rough draft feeds my sub personalities which are already prone to shame, embarrassment, and discouragement. The work in progress is a fool's errand. Each of the ingredients (humor, layout, facial expressions, section divisions, dialog, etc) are sub par and painful to read. Thus, a considerable amount of psychic time is spent fighting those self critical parts and pushing through the wall of resistance to accomplish the task at hand--illustrate the whole book of Ecclesiastes.

7.  I'm "forced" to continually dangle in front of my imagination the Platonic arch-type of a polished, finished, and honed final product. In my mind it "works." It's witty. It's unique. It's helpful. It's drawn to perfection. Readers get it. Theologians, philosophers, and depressed existentialists welcome it. This fantasy is shamed by reality--what I've posted so far falls way short of this ideal. It looks to me garish, confusing, halting, insipid, and the work of a deranged mind. Oh well. There is a perfect graphic novel based on Ecclesiastes in essence somewhere in the universe and my efforts will bring it into existence.

8.  I frame this psychic battle in positive terms. Moderating the internal debate builds character, strengthens synapses, and to be frank, is fun. Like the gambler whose dopamine neurotransmitters flow like Niagara when tossing dice, anticipating the finished product keeps my brain chemicals in a nearly constant state of mental bliss.

9.  Posting the rough draft reveals many new problems to be solved. How do I conquer the tedium of boring talking heads? How do I help readers distinguish one character from another? How do I color the thing so it looks pleasing and not so childish? How do I elevate the humor? Will the overall effect of student reactions bring clarity to readers' minds about matters of faith, existentialism, and suffering? When do I invite more First Readers? Should I invite more First Readers? These challenges distract me from the drawing task at hand but they are a pleasant distraction.

10.  Inviting a tiny slice of the public to evaluate these pages forces me to define success. If writing like Tina Fey is my goal, I've failed. If drawing like Herge is my goal, I've failed. If musing like Kierkegaard, Pascal, Dostoevsky is my goal, I've failed. If creating a work that goes viral is my goal, I've failed. If creating scenes, settings, and camera angles like Steven Spielberg is my goal, I've failed. If winning a Pulitzer like Art Spiegelman is my goal, I've failed. But if marshaling and merging dozens of tasks from my fevered brain to create a hefty existential comic book and having fun while doing so is my goal, I'm king of the hill, a gold medal winner, I get the yellow jersey, Heisman trophy, and lifetime membership in the hall of fame.

Not Going Public: Ten Reasons

I know a lot of people; I have told none of them of this blog. Why?

1.  Self promotion (and working the social networks) tires me. If someone stumbles on this blog, fine. But I'd rather use my brain cells to create/write a graphic novel than build an audience.
2.  I've written and self published at least 30 books (humor, therapy, theology, autobiography, art), all of which have been met with deafening silence. That silence always proves to be highly dispiriting. I can't risk that with this important work of art.
3.  If I were to have followers I'd feel obligated to feed them posts. This would drastically change the leisurely freedom I now enjoy to post whenever the muses nudge me (which is surprisingly often these days).
4.  If I were to get positive comments I'd feel obligated to respond in kind; if I were to get negative comments I'd be tempted to defend myself. Both of these tasks would sap my creative juices.
5. One of the reasons the "talking cure" works in psychotherapy and analysis is because a stream of consciousness narrative (with little analyst interaction) uncorks creativity, self knowledge, and insight. Posting blogs to no one is like talking to a silent analyst.
6.  Ecclesiastes 11:1-2 commends "casting one's bread upon the waters," and "dividing your portion to seven or eight." I am purposely disregarding this otherwise sound advice simply to be rebellious.
7.  Difficult life circumstances (my wife's illness) fuel this literary/artistic endeavor. Even though I don't discuss it much here, I feel the freedom to do so should the urge ever come over me. Were I to have followers I'd be much more reluctant to discuss my battle with negative emotions. I purposely avoid self disclosure with clients.
8.  Once I start putting ink to paper, color to ink, and inked pages to web, I will then announce to friends where to read Ecclesiastes U. I imagine readers will be much more interested in the finished product than these behind the scenes discussions. Musing about creating a graphic novel is like discussing how sausage is made.
9. A part of me thinks this blog would be of interest to philosophers, English teachers, creative writing teachers, Bible teachers, artists, theologians, depressed folks, psychologists, and cartoonists. Were I to snag one of these groups it would influence future posts. Right now I can babble on about any of these themes without worrying about leaving the other readers with special interests bored.
10.  I am connected professionally to clients, relationally to family, socially to Twitterers, Facebookers, and bloggers, and I am connected economically to vendors, agencies, and retailers. These high touch connections make this secret life of solitude, reflection, and creativity an energy giving endeavor.
11. I have one role and one role only with my clients: counselor. Self disclosure is rare, rare, rare. In this blog I have one role and one role only, disclose, disclose, disclose. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
12. I can't count.

A Twinge of Nervousness

Skeptical about the existence of sub-personalities and neural multiplicity? Consider this:

Part of my brain despairs that this project is way beyond my capabilities. The task is immense and the convoluted worldviews of Ecclesiastes defy novelization (graphic or otherwise) by a pea brain like me.

At the same time, I am possessed of a grandiosity breathtaking in its scope. I read the following quote and got a jolt of fear.


It is mostly understandable (though to a cinema enthusiast like myself, bitterly disappointing) that Qoheleth has never been ‘filmed’ as such. His direct ‘filmability’ is an intriguing potential to reflect on (I see Ed Harris in the role, personally), but there are other senses in which he has been rendered in celluloid. (Eric Christianson, Ecclesiastes Through the Centuries, page 83).

I thought to myself with fear and trembling, "Good grief...somebody might beat me to it and make a film out of Ecclesiastes leaving me with reams of unpublished notes, unread blog posts, and unrealized dreams" (a very Ecclesiastes-like response, by the way). 

I'd love it if my 400+ page graphic novel could be rendered in celluloid. Whole films have been made in one location (Breakfast Club, 12 Angry Men, etc); couldn't a gifted cinematographer use my book as a story board for a movie taking place in a university classroom? If I had creative influence, credit, and a contract this would be a sweet deal. 

But what if, when I start posting my completed pages (ETA: next fall), some unscrupulous kid with a video camera rips off my idea? I am creating something highly amenable to Mr. Christianson's "intriguing potential."

These two disparate parts of my neural machinery fight each other, mock each other, and chide each other for their absurd optimism and pessimism. This is sub-personalities at work. 

PUBLIC NOTICE: I, Erik Johnson, do hereby self copyright, claim proprietary rights, and register as intellectual property of the following trademarked, registered, and personalized slogans, notions, and names: Mr. Q, Ecclesiastes U, Ecclesiastes University, and the plot of Ecclesiastes being spoken as a classroom lecture, and all characters to be depicted herein. (C) 2012, (R) 2012, (TM) 2012, (PKYHOMS*) 2012.

* Please keep your hands off my stuff.

No Followers

I am intentionally not telling friends about this blog. Reading a journal about creating a graphic novel with no graphics would drive me crazy.

Once I'm done writing the text and begin to create characters, draw caricatures, and explore different drawing styles I'll have plenty of pictures to post and then may tell my 300+ Facebook friends about this project.

I hope to be able to post completed pages in this blog. What will the quality be like? I've published a few pages of text which to me didn't look clear or crisp. Is there another way to make my drawings available for public viewing without buying a domain name? Does Blogger link to file share sites? Are there ways to make this blog template more user friendly for posting 8.5" x 11" drawings? We'll have to wait and see.

Until then, I'm happy to talk to the air.