Back to my Roots

It's been difficult to focus on my graphic novel this summer. Warm weather, yard work, family activities, and other sundry interests have conspired to reduce the frequency of blog postings. In addition, cranking out rough draft pages has slowed to a snail's pace. Revamping much of the premise of the work (alien narrators) hasn't helped, either. With the end of summer approaching it's time to gear up again for the delightful work of writing and drawing. For inspiration I'm rereading Ecclesiastes. Here are some random musings from chapters 1-7:

"Everything is meaningless" (1:2). I don't entirely agree with this statement; I find meaning in  friendships, family connections, learning, reading, helping people in my mediation/counseling practice, and more. But I am grateful Dr. Q was courageous enough to acknowledge that some things clearly are absurd. For starters, I'm the one with a misspent youth yet my virtuous wife is the one who contracts a debilitating disease. Absurd, absurd, absurd.

"Generations come and generations go" (1:4). The specter of death has haunted humanity since the beginning of time. For all the disagreement about the causes and consequences of death, we're all agreed: the grim reaper will devour all of us eventually. Even though life spans have lengthened considerably, we're all going to die. No wonder Ecclesiastes hasn't become a best seller.

"The eye never has enough of seeing" (1:8). Imagine if this were not so--the demand for new TV shows, movies, web sties, books, vacations, tours, and fashions would vanish. But the eye is never satisfied and therefore new visual content is produced every second.

"The more knowledge the more grief" (1:18). The modern explosion of knowledge has been matched by an explosion of anxiety, depression, fear, worry, despair, angst, and ennui. I often remind myself of the persons described in the New Testament, "always learning and never coming to the knowledge of truth" and "those who desire to get rich pierce themselves with many a pang." My appetite for learning is insatiable but the outcome is questionable. I simply learn how ignorant I am.

"Laughter is foolish" (2:2). This line doesn't stop me from laughing or making others laugh. But Dr. Q's point is well taken: at the end of the day is frivolity the best way to spend one's energy?

"What do I gain by being wise?" (2:15). For decades I've done my best to apply Hebraic and Christian wisdom to myself, family, and others. I'm happy to report that I, my family, and others have enjoyed many happy days. However, those happy days just as easily could be attributed to good luck, random events, the result of the law of large numbers, and the inevitable benefit of living in an affluent culture. The fact that wisdom has not been universally and predictably beneficial to one and all makes me question metaphysics. I like it that Dr. Q questions it as well.

"I must leave my things to the one who comes after me" (2:18). After my dad's death it was my unpleasant task to dispose of his belongings--tools, paintings, cameras, furniture, and more tools. The day of our auction was an Ecclesiastes day for me; people I never met drove off with glee at the tons of his belongs they got for a song; things my dad worked 80 years to collect, love, fix, clean, manage, move, store, and cherish. Makes me look at the cumber around my house--what stranger is gleefully going to drive off with my collection of volvelles, manuscripts, art work, and journals?

"Even at night his mind does not rest" (2:23). In a perfect universe we'd sleep through the night. Neither I nor Dr. Q live in a perfect universe.

"He has set eternity in the hearts of men" (3:11). Occam's Razor suggests positing a deity behind psychology is superfluous, cumbersome, and unnecessary. I know. I embrace Dr. Q's quote by faith, anyway. Logical positivists call such language poetry, unscientific, and invalid. I know. I embrace Dr. Q's affirmation by faith, anyway. New and old atheists call this belief superstitious. neanderthal, and hallucinatory. I know, I know. My passion for ethics, transcendence, and existential meaning could be a blip on my synaptic radar, a quirk of my DNA, and an unimaginative parroting of the culture I was born into. Okay, okay, I get it. But I choose to believe otherwise. I stand with Dr. Q (and several others) on this point.

"His friend can help him get up" (4:10). I'm astonished at how many cohabiting and married couples mess this up. Either one party is over accommodating or smothering, demanding or overly dependent, and they take turns being miserable. Key terms: pursuit, distancing, badgering, clamming up, aloof, preoccupied, lousy service, low tip, co created chaos. I am passionate about helping couples differentiate, get healthy, and merge lives in positive ways. Not, necessarily from a passion to "save marriage" or even to "reduce the divorce rates." I'm obsessed with this mission because we live in an enlightened, affluent, and educated world with MRIs, Mars probes, gene sequencing, SSRIs, smart phones, and Google, and yet 50% of couples still can't get happy together. What a puzzle!

"An old person is foolish if they no longer know how to take warning" (4:13). This cuts me to the quick because I'm warning averse. Not (I hope) because I'm stubborn, self righteous, or impervious to good advice. I'm simply inured to fear mongers, anxiety mongers, and cognitive distortion mongers who foster fear, worry, and panic. This is an age of anxiousness with warnings thick as flies. There's not a boy crying wolf; there's a whole media culture crying wolf. Lord, help me heed legitimate warnings, ignore stupid warnings, and know the difference.

"Stand in awe of God" (5:7). Fellow parishioners sing with passion, worship with enthusiasm, and  engage in church with fervency. I, however, merely stand during worship and sway several millimeters in each direction. I'm every worship leader's worst nightmare. I do not clap, belt out, chant, chirp, croon, harmonize, intone, lift up a voice, make melody, pipe, purr, resound, roar, serenade, shout, trill, troll, tune, vocalize, warble, whistle, or yodel. I do hum from time to time, however. 

"Who knows what is good for a person in life during their few and meaningless days?" (6:12). Answer? Fundamentalist preachers, paternalistic politicians, imperative control freaks, dogmatic pontificates, and advertisers. Other than that we're pretty much a live and let live society. 

"It is better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting" (7:2). In September we mark the one year anniversary of my dear wife's move into a nursing home. My daily visits are still emotional roller coaster rides for me. The infirm, ailing, and frail elderly are clear reminders of aging and death. I'm quickly disabused of imagining immortality on earth. Metaphors of mortality--smoke, grass, shadows--inspire wise and fruitful living. He who dies with the most love wins. 

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning" (7:8). Another reminder to keep chipping away at this project. It is, with several other endeavors, my life's work.

To be continued.

God, Disease, and Glibness

When I was a Calvinist pastor (23 years) I could glibly site all the Bible passages that made God responsible for sickness: Exodus 4:11, Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Deuteronomy 32:39, There is no God besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand. Ecclesiastes 7:14, When times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Not to mention a hundred other proof texts for the sovereignty of God concerning plagues, disease, calamity, destruction, trials, tribulation, and all manner of abysmal conditions.

Now that my wife is terminally ill I'm not so glib. Times are bad. Unlike Job's wife I'm not inclined to curse God and die. Atheism would certainly solve the theodicy problem but theism is in my DNA, not to mention creating a host of new problems (namely, the problem of good, beauty, and meaning). For existential reasons I choose faith despite this apparent reason not to believe.

But neither am I, in true evangelical fashion, able to say with glib confidence that her Alzheimer's is to teach character, bring glory to God, the result of sin, or the consequence of the fall of Adam. I'm a child of Adam and I don't have this disease. There is a category of illness in the Bible called, "sickness unto death" but that still doesn't answer the "Why her?" question. I try not to dwell on this too much; I have trained myself rather to ask the, "What do I do next?" question.

Yet I can't avoid asking the why questions. I'm pounded every day with a clash between a God I want to love/trust and visits to see Vicki. I'm not enamored of the One who put my young wife in a nursing home. (If you want to know what I see there, read Ecclesiastes 12:1-7. Or wait about a year until my illustrated version comes out).

Which brings me to the impetus for spending five months (with more to come) creating a graphic novel based on the book of Ecclesiastes. Qoheleth touches something deep within me. Despite his glowing endorsement as a wise man of God by the editor in chapter 12:9-14, I doubt that his brand of doubt would garner him any ministry positions in a modern evangelical church. Certitude (glibness?) seems to be a litmus test for orthodoxy. Yet here's a Bible writer wracked with anxiety due to the clash between his theology and the evil he saw all around him.

I can understand why Ecclesiastes isn't popular. It's gloomy! And I also see why when Ecclesiastes does get air time Qoheleth's tensions are sanitized by glib dismissal, relegating his words to the trash bin of secular humanism, and thus easily ignored.

But the guy wasn't a secular humanist. He was a sage puzzled by the problem of evil. Ecclesiastes University is my attempt to come to grips with this very personal issue.

Maddening Repetition in Ecclesiastes

It’s hard to know the precise source of my increasing difficulties creating dialog for the final chapters of Ecclesiastes. Is my brain weary? Are extra stressors draining my creative juices (watching my dementia-inflicted wife slowly vanish is anguish; my client case load keeps me on my toes, I still don’t have a healthy routine for shopping and cooking)? Is the repetition in Ecclesiastes making me numb? 

Let’s explore this last possibility, repetition. At a later date I hope to describe my “energy managing strategy” for coping with grief. And if I get bored I can talk about my love/hate relationship with grocery stores and kitchens.

As I’ve said many times, I’m plowing through the book of Ecclesiastes one verse at a time, mulling over each phrase and imagining how a classroom of modern university students would react to Qoholeth’s utterances. In the early chapters the ideas came easily. How witty or insightful they are remains to be seen; for now I am purposely not rereading what I’ve written but rather tackle each new phrase without benefit of hindsight. Once I complete this first draft THEN I reread and edit, streamline, etc. 

But as the chapters progress (I’m up to 10:17) I find Mr. Q saying the same things over and over. This taxes my limited powers of imagination. At the risk of totally boring readers of this blog, here are his most repeated phrases (conveniently cut and pasted from the Westminster Theological Journal 37 (1974) 57-73. Copyright © 1974 by Westminster Theological Seminary. QOHELETH'S WORLD AND LIFE VIEW AS SEEN IN HIS RECURRING PHRASES by H. CARL SHANK: 

Phrase 1: “All is vanity" or “This is vanity" (1:2, 14; 2:1, 11, 17, 26, 15, 19,21,23; 3:19; 4:4, 8, 7, 16; 5:7(6), 10(9); 6:2, 4, 9, 11, 12; 7:6, 15; 8:10, 14; 9:9; 11:8, 10; 12:8 repetition of 1:2) 

Phrase 2: "under the sun" (1:3, 9, 14; 2:11, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22; 3:16; 4:1, 3, 7, 15; 5:13, 18; 6:1, 5, 12; 8:9, 15, 17: 9:3, 6, 9, 11, 13; 10:5) 

Phrase 3: "striving after wind" (1:14; 2:11, 17, 26; 4:4, 6; 6:9) 

Phrase 4: (a) "I perceived" (1:17; 2:14; 3:22) (b) "I said in my heart" (2:1, 15; 3:17, 18; 9:1) ( c) "I gave my heart to consider" & variations (1:13, 17; 2:3; 7:25; 8:9, 16; 9:1) 

Phrase 5: "There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink and make his soul enjoy good in his labor" (2:24; 3:12, 13; 3:22; 8:15; 5:18, 19; 9:7, 9 

Phrase 6: Instances employing some variation of “fear God" (5:7; 12:13; 3:14; 7:18; 8:12, 13) 

To which I add Phrase 7: Intimations that human knowledge is limited 

1. man will not find out the work which God has done 3:11

2. Who will bring him to see what will occur after him? 3:22 

3. It never sees the sun and in never knows anything 6:5 

4. Man may not discover anything that will be after him 7:14 

5. What has been is remote and exceedingly mysterious; who can discover it? 7:28 

6. I am still seeking but have not found out 7:28

7. who knows the interpretation of a matter? 8:1 

8. no one knows what will happen 8:6 

9. I concluded that man cannot discover the work which has been done 8:17a 

10. He cannot discover. 8:17b 

11. the dead do not know anything 9:5 

12. man does not know his time 9:12 

13. no man knows what will happen 10:14 

14. he does not even know how to go to a city 10:15 

15. you do not now what misfortune may occur 11:2 

16. you do not know the path of the wind 11:5 

17. you do not know (which) will succeed 11:8 

 How do I keep this repetition from driving readers crazy? How do I keep them from driving me crazy? This challenge inspires me and fuels my eagerness to get up early and stay up late. I enjoy working on this and 100 other puzzles in this Ecclesiastical literary and (eventually) artistic project. 

Finished Chapter Eight!

As mentioned, Ecclesiastes has 12 chapters. We know these were not part of the original manuscript but were added later by (we presume) well-intentioned scribes and amanuenses. In my research I came across a 1919 commentary in which the author Morris Jastrow made his own outline; he created 24 "sections." I found his division compelling and am using it. Not sure that readers of the final product will pay attention to this but smaller chunks of text are easier to manage. I have therefore just finished section 19 with 5 to go. Or by the old reckoning, I've finished 8 chapters with 4 to go. 5 is more than 4 but 19 is more than 8....so I'm tricking myself into thinking I'm far along and nearing the finish line!

If one counts verses, I've completed 158 with 64 to go. Technically, this doesn't tell us much because one lengthy verse could be broken down into 4 or 5 pages of text. How I divide verses will be the subject of another post.

As I ponder each section (usually 10 - 20 verses) I do not go back and reread the dialog I've written in earlier sections. I imagine I'm a student in Mr. Q's class without total recall of what he's said earlier. I face each verse and imagine how 21st century college students would react. The final three verses of this chapter are some of my favorites which was a nice gift since some of the earlier verses were my least favorite (because they are repetitious).

Here is the final verse:

"No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, humanity can not discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it." 

Some commentators chalk up this uncertainty to Qoholeth's lack of faith, unbelieving heart, and secular humanism. Goodness! I do not. I think Mr. Q is a man of faith and an honest observer of life's conundrums. What knocks his socks off is that those conundrums do not fit his theology of a commensurate link between righteousness and health/wealth.

In a fit of creative energy I put the following words into the mouth of the evangelical student in the class (set to the tune of that old Shaker hymn, 'Tis a Gift to be Simple).

'Tis a gift to be certain; I’ve a brain that’s doubt free.
‘Tis a gift knowing life has no ambiguity.
And when I have some questions I do not get up tight;
I ignore pesky facts with all of my might.
When happy certitude is gain'd,
My black and white brain will not be asham'd,
Avoiding counter evidence will be my delight,
Till by turning, turning I come 'round right.

I hope this graphic novel comes out right!