Three Drafts Video Review

Revised Time Line

In a previous post I mentioned I'd like to be done with Draft Two by May 15. That's only two weeks away. My self imposed deadline was overly ambitious!

Today I'm finishing EU17 (Ecclesiastes 7), page 272. I've still got 144 pages to go. Editing Draft One has been a fun but massive project since it was atrocious. Here are the challenges of creating Draft Two:

1. Characters: I wrote the words first and am now figuring out who said them. This task is sheer bliss but it's time consuming. God invented people in seven days. It takes me a little longer.
2. Character depth and consistency: My hope is to create characters readers care about. I gotta keep them "in character" and hopefully multidimensional (as if comic book characters can have depth).
3. Staging: who is on stage (in the panel), what's the fewest number of characters necessary to complete a thought unit, how often do I reveal a new character, and have characters storm out of classroom?
4. Text: the rough dialog in Draft One had potential. In Draft Two I'm sharpening the philosophy, theology, psychology, and humor sometimes eliminating the dialog entirely and rewriting from scratch.
5. Word balloons. I'm putting Publisher's Basic Shapes boxes around each text box. Six boxes per page times 272 pages (so far) is 1632 boxes too many! Again, highly time consuming. But this will save me having to hand draw them. Uniform and crisp text boxes will add a touch of gravitas and hopefully will subtlety accentuate the words; hand drawn boxes will be distracting.
6. Cutting and pasting. Rifling though my file of 20 characters, cutting out each face, scotch taping them to Draft Two is all very time consuming. 
7. Emailing. I do all this work on my lap top which is not hooked up to a printer. I therefore email finished files to my desk top (in the next room) and print hard copies there. 
8. Mulling. These first seven challenges are peppered with my ongoing inner dialog, "What's the time line of this thing? Do the characters change clothes? How do I get drop outs back into the classroom? How will Mr. Q respond when challenged by students? How will I divide the printed book? 416 Publisher pages will become 208 Paint pages. But there's no 208 page graphic novel. Do I print this as a four part trilogy? A ten part mini comic? Do I print hard copies at all or is it pure digital? Who will I get to proof read this? Do line editing? Evaluate the plot, humor, coherence, etc?"

Despite all these challenges...I'm still shooting for the May 15 deadline to complete Draft Two. 

I suspect I'm going to print a hard copy Draft Three on which I'll draw penciled layouts. (I'm anticipating the joy of designing pages, getting creative with panel shapes, and drawing detailed spreads of the whole class room). I dare not ink/color Draft Three however. That will be Draft Four. I'll give Draft Three to some folks for their feedback. Sigh....that puts me months behind schedule. Oh well. 

Let the Editing Begin!

I've laid aside my 69 hand drawn pages with doodles, scribblings, and first draft text and am now working exclusively with the 25 Publisher files, each page of which has six panels.

The first of those 25 files was opened this week for the first time since I wrote it last December. As mentioned, I did NOT review what I wrote on purpose; I wanted to "flesh out" the whole narrative arc first.

That first file (named EU1) contains the text from Ecclesiastes 1:1-11 and is 19 pages long. Here's what I'm discovering.

1.  One of the characters in this fictional graphic novel speaks text that I did not write. This is perhaps unique in story writing. I am given dialog I cannot change, alter, or edit. Mr. Q speaks and I deal with it.

2.  As a writer I react to, interact with, and make my actors act upon Mr. Q's words. Think of a grain of sand in an oyster....I hope to create pearls around that often aggravating irritation.

3.  The me who interacts with Mr. Q has one brain, but that brain has neural multiplicity. Just like a shopper looks at a used car through various lenses (cost, mileage, color, MPG, leg room), I looked at Mr. Q's words through a variety of lenses, none of which was explicit or discreet. I just read quip from Mr. Q and jotted whatever came to mind. After 3 months I came up with 400+ pages of random reactions.

4.  Now that I'm revisiting my random reactions I'm sorting through them, bunching them according to common themes, and shaping characters from those common themes. For example, many student quotes were silly, off the cuff comments (like Chandler on Friends). Other quotes were absurdly serious, deferring, and loyal to Mr. Q (like Dwight Shrute on the Office). Still other quotes were panicky and reactive (think of the anxious Chicken Little). There is also an aging hippie, a vegan foodie, and a scientific materialist who embraces atheism. There are also bit parts played by an agnostic, Earnest Hemingway, a pregnant student, and even me in a cameo role (a conceit I copy from Alfred Hitchcock).

5. This seems like an odd way to create characters. I've never taken a creative writing course or asked any novelists how they come up with their characters. Maybe they all start with words/point of view and then figure out age, gender, costume, back story, and appearance later. I somehow had the notion that writers start with a body and give it attitude and then words; I'm staring with words, giving the speaker of those words attitude, and someday will flesh them out in 2-D. (If this were a play or movie it'd be 3-D).

6.  As I plow through those 19 pages of random quips and quotes I'm adjusting the size of the word balloons so they are uniform (Publisher has a nifty "shapes" tool which I use to outline the text boxes with round edged rectangles). I'm also mindful of pagination; I'll start EU2 with page 20.

7.  I then printed a paper copy of those 19 pages and read and reread them all in one sitting trying to imagine the flow, how this narrative arc is getting launched, and the trajectories that are being established. Since this is the first scene, readers will be making many important assumptions, so I gotta get 'em right. I want all the loose threads to eventually be tied up.

8. The decision to not draw anything yet (faces, rooms, desks, lap tops, costume, etc) forces me to stick with character development via ideas. I'm imagining characters as pure thought (like Plato's or Jung's arch types). Only later will the word become flesh (or in this case, ink).

9.  Since I do not plan on including any chapter divisions (a decision I may reverse), I do plan on helping readers distinguish each passage (what Bible scholars call a pericope) by coloring the backgrounds differently. In the case of EU1, text 1:1-8a will have a different color background from 1:8b-11.

10.  Editing text on paper is easier for me than on a screen. Seeing my dialog on a page as future readers will see it (the finished product will be a book, not an eBook--another decision I may reverse), I have greater empathy with my readers. Consequently, I'm astonished at how much editing I did on EU1. The text is now (so it seems in this moment) crisper, snappier, and funnier. This is evolution at work; much of the first creation survived, but natural selection has not been kind to many other of those first words--extinction! The remaining words are fit for survival. During this geologic era at least.

It strikes me just now (as it often does when I mix metaphors or create clunky prose) that if I were an English teacher teaching creative writing I'd love to stumble upon this blog wherein students can listen to one guy's creative process.

But then, I've been overly influenced by that nutty quote by Edgar Allan Poe, "If you find yourself being burned at the stake be sure to jot down all your experiences." I not only love to create but I love to describe the creative process, an experience very unlike torture.

Finished First Rough Draft!

A pile of sixty-nine large (14" x 18") hand written notes have been converted to twenty five Publisher files, each of which contain about 20 pages, each of which consists of six panels. I've got a huge drawing task ahead of me. I am going to pencil, hand ink, and then hand color approximately 3000 individual panels.

Each of those 3000 individual panels already contain the word balloons and text I started writing last Christmas. Converting the book of Ecclesiastes into a classroom dialog was a blast. I was able to ponder each word and react to it.

Achieving this milestone marks the end of stage one and the beginning of stage two: reread and edit while fleshing out the characters. I do not want to design the classroom or costumes yet.

At the same time I read somewhere that some movie makers edit their script just before filming. We'll just have to see what stage two entails. Stay tuned.

Dividing Chapter 9

According to that 1919 commentary (A Gentle Cynic by Morris Jastrow) section 20 is comprised of ten verses, 9:1-9:10. Since I'm using his outline I get out my scissors, scotch tape, and large sheet of paper (# 54) and begin cutting and taping those verses on the left hand side. I do this while sitting in my living room, cushioned lap board on my lap, coffee cup, cell phone, and fountain pens on the small table next to me. I'm comfy, serene, in a meditative and contemplative state. My task today is to divide each verse into smaller chunks for the students to respond to. Let the dividing begin.


Ecclesiastes 9

 ¹ So I reflected on all this and concluded

I make this the first meme to come from Mr. Q's mouth in this section. Throughout Ecclesiastes Mr. Q describes in astonishing detail his "research." He was a thoughtful, intentional, empiricist, scientist. Not sure what new response I'll have students make to this comment yet but I am steering readers attention to the fact that this guy was no armchair scholar; it's almost (but not quite) like he was doing double blind control group experiments.

that the righteous and the wise and what they do are in God’s hands

Well this certainly deserves comment by students. Soft determinism runs through Ecclesiastes although in this verse it looks like hard determinism to me. Is God responsible for what the righteous do? I don't know but being in God's hands is to me a comforting thought. 

but no one knows whether love or hate awaits them. 

^{Mr. Q has dropped so many zingers like this throughout the text that I've lost count. It's Mr. Q's acknowledgement of the mysterious future that appeals to me.}

² All share a common destiny—the righteous and the wicked, the good and the bad, the clean and the unclean, those who offer sacrifices and those who do not.

This is one of the lengthier verses I'll put into Mr. Q's mouth. The more words the larger the word balloon and the smaller the panel space in which to draw. I could make a separate page for each of these four comparisons but my initial thought is that doing so will bog down the flow. 

As it is with the good, so with the sinful; as it is with those who take oaths, so with those who are afraid to take them.

I feel the same way about these additional comparisons. It's possible to riff on all six of these binary characters but the bigger literary (and exegetical?) question, "What do I make of his assertion that there is no ultimate difference in the destinies of these twelve individuals?"

 ³ This is the evil in everything that happens under the sun: The same destiny overtakes all. 

It's clear from Mr. Q's previous comments what he thinks of this assertion: it's evil. If he were here I'd ask him several questions: "Why does this bug you so much? Are you sure the same destiny awaits everyone regardless of their virtue or turpitude? Didn't you say earlier that there are some advantages to being righteous? And by the way, why DO you keep contradicting yourself? Have you seen your manuscript lately? How much of what you wrote is still in tact and how many insertions have others made?" The questions never end!

The hearts of people, moreover, are full of evil and there is madness in their hearts while they live, and afterward they join the dead. 

^{At this point in my cut and tape project I've kept the above text in one word balloon. I may later change this because Mr. Q makes two comments that beg for student reaction: "full of evil" and "madness in their hearts." The ANE notions of depravity and insanity deserve comment. I'm not sure yet if I'll address both of these in one strip or give each comment its own strip.}

⁴ Anyone who is among the living has hope


Mr. Q's positive comments are so rare I give them a place of their own. The overall tone of the book is pessimistic, glum, and depressing so I highlight every upbeat phrase that I can.

—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

John Stuart Mill said, "It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, are of a different opinion, it is because they only know their own side of the question. The other party to the comparison knows both sides." I'm going to try to compare these two comments. 

 ⁵ For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing; 


This verse irritates me; I've had to untangle his contradictions so often I'm getting bored. This concerns me. If I get bored readers will too.

they have no further reward, and even their name is forgotten. 


In an earlier chapter we batted around the existential quandary of extinction, obliterated memories, and the angst of pointlessness. I'll revisit that notion again. I've felt the sting of being forgotten since my wife contracted Alzheimer's dementia and her memories of me are fading. It's very painful. I'm scouring every word of Ecclesiastes looking for hope. I trust that some breakthrough awaits me, us, him.

⁶ Their love, their hate and their jealousy have long since vanished; 


Here comes more of the pessimism. What a gloomy frame of mind. It's hard to say (as do many commentators) that this comment emerges from sarcasm, Satan, or disconnection from God ("under the sun" is understood by many as "secular humanism"). I reject all those theories....but have yet to come up with a theory of my own. Pondering continues.

never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun.


Ditto.

⁷ Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, 


Another ray of sunshine amid dark clouds of doom and gloom. 


for God has already approved what you do. 


Another theological puzzle.


⁸ Always be clothed in white, 


For sheer comic relief I'm going to have fun with this one...Tom Wolfe, the Pope, brides, white socks.... It's Mr. Q's intent to affirm happiness despite all this doom and gloom...but the oddity of such a comment begs for response.


and always anoint your head with oil.


How does one apply this custom in the 21st century?


⁹ Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. 


Another long blurb from the mouth of Mr. Q, rich with provocative ideas.


For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 


<sup>"Lots" remind me of lotteries which remind me of randomness which contrasts with destiny and fate. Lots to untangle here (no pun intended). 


10</sup> Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, 


As gloomy as Mr. Q is, he was no nihilist. He apparently found enough oomph (by faith?) to get a stiff upper lip and make the best of a bad situation. Viktor Frankl did so in Auschwitz and David Livingston did this while suffering in Africa. 


for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.


Sadly, I'm confronted with yet another conundrum. Did or did not Mr. Q believe in an after life? At times yes, at other times, no. Can't wait to see how I slog though this quagmire yet again without boring myself or readers.


NOTE: Each of those purple quotes will appear in the first panel of a six panel strip. Therefore, these ten verses have been expanded to 21 strips. No wonder the estimated size of this graphic novel is massive.

Adjunct Grist for the Mill

It's very hard for me NOT to start drawing yet. The delicious anticipation of seeing how pictures will enhance, change, and challenge the dialog is what eggs me on. It's like building a brick wall but making the bricks first. The shape of the wall will be determined by the number and shape of the bricks I create. But these bricks are living in that the dialog informs the character AND the character will inform the dialog. But as I said, I'm making myself write a first draft of the dialog before character development.

I do have rough ideas of who the students will be. There will be philosophy majors of course (since Mr. Q teaches in the philosophy dept). But there will also be pre law, marketing, English, and science majors. I also get to throw in players, materialists, Tea Partiers, aging hippies, hedonists, home school students, and computer gaming geeks. Mr. Q will have a TA, useful to me as the one to elaborate on Mr. Q's more confusing utterances.

Earnest Hemingway will make a cameo appearance (quoting his book The Sun Also Rises, taken from a line of Ecclesiastes). I think I'll refrain from putting in Timon from the Lion King saying, "It's a circle of life sort of thing," since animals in the class room is a bit too far fetched.

Yesterday I took a one day art class just for the fun of it and the 20 year old kid teaching it (a fabulous artist, by the way) was covered in tattoos and wore a hooligan hat. Here he is sans tattoos drawing on a Cintiq tablet and interactive pen.

The class, all 20 somethings, wore beanies, hoodies, and tight jeans. Since I'm an old guy unaccustomed to schmoozing with students 1/3 my age (I'm almost 60), I jotted phrases the teacher used which I hope to put into the mouths of the students in my graphic novel. The list included these gems:

Crappy
Do you want to know my truth?
I'm gunna be raw, honest, real
I'm like Simon Cowell, brutal and honest
Go crazy
Knock yourself out
His stuff is insane
There's good pizza and bad pizza
The music of the Black Keys is awesome
I sell tee shirts
It's really cool
I know, it's retarded
Good on you

Not sure how many of these I'll use but they'll come in handy, I'm sure.