Page 17

This page marks the end of day two in the classroom. I've divided Ecclesiastes into discreet sections defined by paragraphs of text, each representing one day. I shudder to think there are 48 days to go. My motive for drawing this graphic novel is to deal honestly with despair and existential dread in the Hebrew scripture. My motive for blogging about this experience is to study the ebb and flow of enthusiasm for this project. I'm notorious for not finishing projects. Reflecting on the creative process will, I hope, give insight into ADD, boredom, faith, optimism, grief, subjectivity, and delusion. Investing hours and hours (years!) in a project that may never gain popularity is a huge gamble. Two things egg me on: the pleasurable distraction it affords while my wife's health deteriorates; the buzz I get when I think this project may be of interest to readers other than myself. Fantasy plays a crucial role in creativity as does the approach/avoidance syndrome when facing trauma. It's art therapy.

Re-engaging, Believe it or Not

My new filing system; two top boxes are EU rough drafts

Since my last post three and half months ago I married off a son, practiced being a new grand father, spent five weeks in a motel with Zelda the cat while repair persons replaced all the floors in our house due to water damage, reignited a speaking career (one gig included creating a 50+ slide Power Point presentation), made daily visits to my beleaguered wife whose health continues to deteriorate, began a massive de-cluttering project in prep for selling our house, transferred all my digital copy (projects, tasks, grist for new books) to Evernote, sent a bulk mailing to 400 former clients giving them a free updated version of a 55 page book, Managing Marital Irritations (get your free copy here), launched a silly website about volvelles (click here if you dare), and discovered Netflix after giving away our TV. (New guilty pleasure: 30 Rock). All this on top of running a one man therapy shop, writing a new book about grief and doubt, frying my synapses reading Kierkegaard, and launching a weekly conflict mediation blog. Click here to take a gander.

Even though I read another book about finishing creative tasks during this hiatus from drawing Ecclesiastes University,  I've been badgered by guilt. I entered my third third (age 60-90) determined to illustrate Ecclesiastes in graphic novel form and have been waylaid by these and a dozen other delicious diversions.

I'm back, planning now to begin drawing this weekend. What has spurred me on (beyond a sense of calling) is the wacky idea of turning Ecclesiastes University into a series of books featuring a host of guest lecturers. I'd love to do to Pascal, Chesterton, Lewis, Kierkegaard, and Camus what I've done to Qoheleth (which would really gum up the works since Ecclesiastes University would include classes NOT based on Ecclesiastes. Sigh....what a mess). But I dare not start anything new until we get Dr. Q finished. I'm looking at 450+ pages of 6 panel drawings each...gulp. Here goes.

I Am My Own Experiment

Part of the attraction of Ecclesiastes is my fascination with the attempt Dr. Q made to be his own science experiment. He looked for the scheme of things and studied his reactions as he searched.

This blog is the summary of my lab experiment. I have undertaken a creative task and am keeping a record of the nuts and bolts of creating a graphic novel. But the meta-study is larger in scope; I'm studying the creative process itself. One of the curious phenomena I experience as a creative guy is flagging interest. I've often wondered what gives me energy to sustain projects? And more importantly, what causes me to lose that energy?

Last week I embarked on a new series of tasks for Draft Four, namely, making panel shapes and blocking characters. I got to page 86 and tedium set in. I, the subject in this psychological science experiment, want to think about tedium and its negative affect on creativity. Here's what happened.

1.  Repetitious actions bore me. The act of spiffing up the word balloons two weeks ago (Draft Three)  just about did me in but I soldiered on breaking up the tedium by marking my daily progress.

2.  To add to the visual impact of each page I've been connecting panels and word balloons (Draft Four), figuring out who sits where, and how to create a coherent novel without characters showing up in odd places at odd times. But it was repetitious work.

3. With my interest lagging in panel arrangement an idea resurrected itself which I've had in the back of my mind for ages. I took the bait and have been working on it now for four days. It's related to Ecclesiastes so I took a tiny detour guilt free.

4.  My best analogy: while engaged in creative writing and plot development I had no need for new ideas. Dopamine jolts kept me going. But when the repetitive panel-linking-actions took over the dopamine dried up. Like a drug addict needing his fix, my mind wandered to a new project that requires a ton of concentration. I was a sitting duck, vulnerable shell-less clam, and patsy for the old bait and switch con. (My journey to the Nobel Prize for Mixed Metaphors continues).

5.  For the last four days I've worked on this new project (details below) somewhat anxiously, knowing panel connecting must be done. But I ignored my inner nag; I was getting high on this new project. I rationalized: "I'll get back to panel connecting soon, this new project is cool, it'll give me a bone to throw to family and friends who've seen nothing of this graphic novel, I'm learning more about Ecclesiastes, I crave the buzz this new task affords," on and on.  


6.  After four days I completed ground work for the new project and was just about ready to embark on phase two of the new project when it occurred to me, "Whoa. This is bigger than I thought. I can't continue postponing panel connecting. I will stop this new venture."


7.  While that inner debate raged I took comfort there are no subscribers to this blog waiting impatiently as I putz around with some tangential project. My inner team of rivals got noisy; that should have tipped me off I was getting off track. I think rationalizations trip the dopamine trigger, too.

8.  But I am now exercising self discipline once again and, fully chastened by this slight detour, am committed to the boring but necessary task of linking panels.

The details of that side project

I read Peter Enn's entire commentary on Ecclesiastes again (226 pages) and took pages and pages of notes: key words, key phrases, and key interpretations by me. I entered those into a Word doc table.

Collected 122 of 'em! I arranged them alphabetically, honing the text to be as brief as possible. (Even as I type the dopamine courses through my veins again; this is one awesome project). I then divided those 122 quotes into six categories (to aid in the presentation of masses of data on an adjustable round chart).
I then designed the top wheel of a volvelle and planned to enter all 122 text boxes (488 total) into a new file.

When I realized that entering all that data, creating all those tiny boxes, creating the template for 60 key words per side, arranging 60 guide lines spaced six degrees apart, I lost interest.

I have now returned to Ecclesiastes University with my tail between my legs. Wheels will have to wait.

First Full Pages

I've been creating this graphic novel on Microsoft Publisher. Each phrase from Ecclesiastes is printed in the word balloon of the first of six panels on an 8.5" x 11" (landscape) page. My plan from the beginning was to clip and paste two landscape pages on top of each other in the Paint program. Having just reached page number 250 I thought I'd combine two landscape pages for the very first time.

Disclaimer: the faces are provisional, the word balloons need a new font (Comic Sans is over used) in all caps (as seems to be the industry standard) and they lack the tail thingy that lets readers know who is speaking. The coloring is haphazard, the pagination is convoluted (250 Publisher landscape pages = 125 Paint pages; not sure how to number them yet). My point in this exercise is to check the readability of the word balloons and to see if the background color makes them more legible. The text is in its second draft so further editing is in store.

Background. There are four characters in this thought unit, Mr Q (speaking the words of Ecclesiastes), the evangelical Christian girl who is sweet on the militaristic vet, both of whom are chided by the feminist with big hair.

Here are the results.

Addendum: Now that I see what a completed page looks like on screen I see I've got much more work to do to make it legible. I'd planned on posting the finished pages on this blog but I think I'll need my own domain name. That means more expense but after all the work I'm putting into this thing (30-40 hours a week) I want to show case the work in a quality way. Setting up web sites is relatively easy these days but I'm not yet ready to launch something new.

New Age of Internet Openness

Part of me cringes when I post all my ideas on this blog. I'm still old enough to worry about plagiarism, copyright violations, and people stealing my ideas.

But in this new age of internet openness I'm joining the rest of humanity and posting all my ideas in hopes that I'll eventually generate interest among those curious about one guy's creative process. And I'm trusting no one will steal these ideas.

By the way, here's where my earlier manuscripts are stored for safe keeping.

Not Going Public: Ten Reasons

I know a lot of people; I have told none of them of this blog. Why?

1.  Self promotion (and working the social networks) tires me. If someone stumbles on this blog, fine. But I'd rather use my brain cells to create/write a graphic novel than build an audience.
2.  I've written and self published at least 30 books (humor, therapy, theology, autobiography, art), all of which have been met with deafening silence. That silence always proves to be highly dispiriting. I can't risk that with this important work of art.
3.  If I were to have followers I'd feel obligated to feed them posts. This would drastically change the leisurely freedom I now enjoy to post whenever the muses nudge me (which is surprisingly often these days).
4.  If I were to get positive comments I'd feel obligated to respond in kind; if I were to get negative comments I'd be tempted to defend myself. Both of these tasks would sap my creative juices.
5. One of the reasons the "talking cure" works in psychotherapy and analysis is because a stream of consciousness narrative (with little analyst interaction) uncorks creativity, self knowledge, and insight. Posting blogs to no one is like talking to a silent analyst.
6.  Ecclesiastes 11:1-2 commends "casting one's bread upon the waters," and "dividing your portion to seven or eight." I am purposely disregarding this otherwise sound advice simply to be rebellious.
7.  Difficult life circumstances (my wife's illness) fuel this literary/artistic endeavor. Even though I don't discuss it much here, I feel the freedom to do so should the urge ever come over me. Were I to have followers I'd be much more reluctant to discuss my battle with negative emotions. I purposely avoid self disclosure with clients.
8.  Once I start putting ink to paper, color to ink, and inked pages to web, I will then announce to friends where to read Ecclesiastes U. I imagine readers will be much more interested in the finished product than these behind the scenes discussions. Musing about creating a graphic novel is like discussing how sausage is made.
9. A part of me thinks this blog would be of interest to philosophers, English teachers, creative writing teachers, Bible teachers, artists, theologians, depressed folks, psychologists, and cartoonists. Were I to snag one of these groups it would influence future posts. Right now I can babble on about any of these themes without worrying about leaving the other readers with special interests bored.
10.  I am connected professionally to clients, relationally to family, socially to Twitterers, Facebookers, and bloggers, and I am connected economically to vendors, agencies, and retailers. These high touch connections make this secret life of solitude, reflection, and creativity an energy giving endeavor.
11. I have one role and one role only with my clients: counselor. Self disclosure is rare, rare, rare. In this blog I have one role and one role only, disclose, disclose, disclose. Ne'er the twain shall meet.
12. I can't count.

No Followers

I am intentionally not telling friends about this blog. Reading a journal about creating a graphic novel with no graphics would drive me crazy.

Once I'm done writing the text and begin to create characters, draw caricatures, and explore different drawing styles I'll have plenty of pictures to post and then may tell my 300+ Facebook friends about this project.

I hope to be able to post completed pages in this blog. What will the quality be like? I've published a few pages of text which to me didn't look clear or crisp. Is there another way to make my drawings available for public viewing without buying a domain name? Does Blogger link to file share sites? Are there ways to make this blog template more user friendly for posting 8.5" x 11" drawings? We'll have to wait and see.

Until then, I'm happy to talk to the air.

My Ambition

In December 2011 I got inspired to tackle a long dreamed of project, creating a cartoon graphic novel based on the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes. I should have started blogging about it then rather than now, three months into to project, but oh well. I'm gong to use this blog to document my progress for several reasons.

1.  It helps me think clearer.
2.  It keeps me accountable. I'm sadly notorious for starting projects and not finishing them (a violation of the words of Ecclesiastes 7:8, "the end of a mater is better than it's beginning").
3.  Novice cartoonists such as myself may enjoy seeing the creative process at work.

Why a graphic novel on Ecclesiastes?

Ever since discovering Tin Tin in 1981 I've had a desire to create my own graphic novel. Ever since getting a degree in theology in 1985 from Regent College (BC) I've had a desire to understand this puzzling book of Ecclesiastes. And ever since my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's dementia in 2006 I've experienced the existential angst I believe the author of Ecclesiastes experienced. What better way to pull these disparate threads together into one work than to create a graphic novel?